Comment Wall: Extraordinary Tales

Title: Copenhagen, Denmark
Source: Wikimedia


Welcome to the comments section for my portfolio page. I will be adding stories to my portfolio that reflect some of my favorites from the Epics we read. These stories will be versions told in my own words with my own personality. I hope you enjoy the read and feel free to comment, suggest or give feedback on the things you like, don't like or could use improvement.

Here is a link to my GoogleSites. Enjoy the read and have a great semester!

P.S. Image information - I originally had set this up to be a storybook. After getting behind, it was best for me to switch. However, I decided to leave the coffee picture as my image. While I won't be talking about food for my storybook, coffee is still an important thing in my life. Every time I sit down to write a story, I ALWAYS have a cup close by. It helps my brain do it's thing. I felt it fitting to leave the image here since it is a part of every story (even if not expressed through text) that I write for this class.


Comments

  1. Hi Sarah! First off, I LOVE your homepage! The image you have selected is striking and the simplicity of the layout makes for an easy viewing experience. I also really like how you have an unofficial introduction on the homepage letting your readers know what they are about to experience.

    Next, your first story The Chase is On, is a lot of fun. You did a really great job putting this ancient tale in a modern context and keeping not only the moral of the story but the original essence as well. And again with the striking images, that banner picture is just fantastic and really provides the perfect energy for this story.

    Finally, a question about your page. How did you change the background color? I think I'm using the same template but I can't figure out how to make those kinds of changes.

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  2. Hi, Sarah! To begin with, I think your introduction is perfect: charming and to the point! In regards to your story, “The Chase”, I really loved the contrast between the calm beginning and the startling use of onomatopoeia. It really catches the reader’s attention! I also love the names of the officers. The name “Mufasa” is especially clever! I would love to have even more details about the beginning of the police chase. What is going through the officer’s mind? Is his heart racing? What is the suspect doing? How do the onlookers feel about the situation? All of these are suggestions of questions that a reader might want more details about in the story! I love the phrase, “frantic citizens”. That is such a great descriptor. Actually, that whole sentence is really wonderful! I also love the change of events with Ms. Caster. The part with the hearing aid made me laugh to myself! Overall, I think you have a really great story and I really like your writing style. I’m looking forward to reading more throughout the semester!

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  3. Hello Sarah! I just first would like to point out how awesome your layout is. I really like the different colors and the background is so cool! It really looks neat and put together. I also loved reading your first story. I think it was really fun and entertaining. I like how you went so into detail because it allowed me to visualize what was happening within the story. I think it was clever how you went from a calm scenario in the beginning to something crazy happening because it made the story really fun to read. I loved the "Foolish, Timid Rabbit" story so it was fun to see how you put your own twist onto it. The dialogue in your story was very fitting for the story line and allowed me to visualize how frantic the officer was during the chase. Overall, I think you nailed it with this story. You did a great job with all of the characters and the story line. You did a great job with all of your characters as well as the whole storyline.

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  4. Hello,
    I have to say I like the way that your home page looks. It is very clean and gave me information that I would help me understand where the following stories came from. The story page that you did looks simply beautiful. I don’t know how you made it look like that but it only adds to the story. I also like in your story how you reference actual places from Oklahoma like Lake Hefner Parkway. When I saw this I laughed a little seeing it alongside a character named Officer Rabbit. The story as a whole was well written and engaging! I did not read the original story that you used to write yours but I have to say that you did a really good job in portraying the central theme and retelling that would happen if Officer Rabbit was here today. Your author’s notes were also really well done filling me in on what I needed to know. Good job!

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  5. Hey Sarah,

    I am pretty sure I read and commenting on this same story in one of the early weeks. It is one of the most memorable Jataka. How you retold it kept a whimsical and modern approach to the story. I hope the rest of your stories in your portfolio follows that same trend because we all need some of that in our lives. As a story, it was a great retelling with only a few minor changes. I do wish there would have been a bit more changes or a new twist or side of it. Maybe one of the characters could have not believed the rest and went to investigate for himself. That is a personal opinion however because that is how I tell most of my stories. Other than that I have nothing bad to say. I loved reading it for a second time and can't wait to see some of your others stories.

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  6. Hey Sarah! First, I think your website looks great! I really like the imagery right when you get to your website. Then, I switched to your story "The Chase is On" and was pleasantly surprised by the vibrant colors. Your story was a very interesting rewrite of "The Foolish, Timid Rabbit". I really liked how you broke the story up into small paragraphs, allowing for quicker reading of the story. I found two grammatical errors that stood out: "He caught is bad guy..." and "... her hands laced in her lapped." If you fix these, I think your story will be very clean. I wonder what Officer Rabbit was thinking right at the beginning of the story other than proving his worth. What if you expanded to talk about what Officer Rabbit thought was happening? Did he think that the car driver had committed a major crime? Was he worried for his safety? Overall, I thought this was a good story and hope to read more of your stories in the future!

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  7. Hi Sarah, I really liked your twist on the standard sleeping rabbit story; the whole time I was picturing Judy Hopps from Zootopia! Anyways, the general aesthetic of your page is nice to look at and sets the mood for your stories. The cover image of Ganesha is beautiful as an opener and the background of "The Chase" works perfectly!
    I know it's outside the scope of your story, but I would like to see how Officer Rabbit handles future cases. Potentially he could have a case where he accidentally lets someone go due to his caution, which would serve as a nice dichotomy of demonstrating being quick to act vs being slow to act.
    Your writing style keeps the reader fully engaged and continuing to move fluidly throughout the page for most of the story, while stopping the flow at crucial moments. I did find an error in "He caught is bad guy…or girl!", which I figure should be his*. Overall I enjoy the modern take and would love to see more stories set in this style, especially if they continue to remind me of Zootopia!

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  8. Hey Sarah! I love the feel of your Portfolio, visually it definitely drew me in right away. With regards to your retelling of "The Foolish, Timid Rabbit" I have to say this was the most removed from the original story of the retellings I've read (in a good way!). It showed a lot of creativity on your part and is really well-written, and I think this manifestation of the elements from the original story are really easy to see in day to day life, this concept of jumping to conclusions and running with it, and just totally missed communication.

    I do think there's a bit of a disconnect between the first two sentences of your story and the rest of it. The set-up is so sleepy, and then the rest of it he's very go go go. Is that an intentional disconnect you create? If so, you definitely accomplished it. If not, I would suggest maybe setting the opening to be a little higher energy to match how the rest of the story progresses.

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  9. Hi Sarah! I think your portfolio is amazing! Your website is super beautiful, and I love that you seem to have a very clean, modern aesthetic with presenting your stories and introduction. I think that your first story, "The Chase," was really well done! I really liked that the characters had names from Disney movies, that was fun. It made me think of your story as like a high speed chase version of Zootopia. That said, I really liked the suspense you created in your story; it was super exciting and intense. Also, the conclusion was funny, that it was an old woman's car backfiring. My biggest question about the conclusion is why does the old woman run from the police? Like, why does the pursuit happen if she did nothing wrong? Did she get scared? Fall asleep with her foot on the gas? Give the reader a little more info here and you'll be in great shape!

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  10. Hi Sarah,
    I really like the introduction to the story. I think that It was very amazing that you used a rookie cop to tell his story and even gave us the characters motivation for doing what he did. I could really see the pursuit in my head with how you wrote it. I also like how I could draw back on car chases that I have seen on TV. I think this might be my favorite retelling of this story that I have read so far and it is very original. This story did remind me of Zootopia. Visually your website looks amazing! The background looks amazing and really fits the story setting. I think having a portion where you do the interrogation of the grandmother would add another element to your story if you decide to lengthen it at all. Overall great story and I can not wait to read more.

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  11. Hey Sarah!

    First of all, I really like your website! The introduction does a really great job of setting up what the website is doing and also is really welcoming and inviting. So great job setting that up and making it work really well. I also like how your two pages are completely different from each other but also go very well with what you're trying to convey. Really great job! My only suggestion is to add the comment wall to each of your pages so it's easier for people to get to, but even that's a really small fix.

    I also really liked the story you told. It was really well written and really kept the reader's interest. I also like how you changed the story but kept a lot of the original aspects, like it starting with a rabbit. It was a really nice high speed chase and you really did an amazing job. Keep up the good work!

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  12. Sarah,

    Your site is looking great. I really like the homepage picture you chose and that your second story also has the same color scheme. I think the lights you use for you story are perfect. I also think that the title of your portfolio grabs your attention so was a good choice. If you added maybe one picture of the actual chase or a grandma in the end it would add some imagery to your current story. As far as the actual story I thought your version was so entertaining. I liked that instead of someone running and convincing others to follow it was police that were doing their duty. You made a great point that this story relates to a lot of people interact today with following the pack. Overall it was a great story and I cant wait to read more!

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  13. Hey Sarah! I had previously read your website up through "The Chase" and was excited to revisit your website. I think you have done a fabulous job of selecting imagery for your website. Your homepage has the image of Ganesha that I think hits home your point of Indian epics/stories being anything but ordinary. On each page, the background color/pattern matches brilliantly with the header image - that's a wonderful touch! I also really like that you picked colors that stand out and immediately draw attention to the screen. The only design recommendation that I have is that the text puts a bit of strain on my eyes at the bottom of "The Fire". The yellow background does not work great with the white text. I also read "The Fire". Once again, I really enjoyed your story. It was amazing! I don't have any recommendations to improve plot. The story had me drawn in the whole time. The only things I noticed were some grammatical errors such as "Nazi controlled" (should be Nazi-controlled) and the incomplete sentence "My mother and brothers.".

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  14. Hey Sarah, I love the aesthetics of your portfolio, especially how you set up the page for the story, "Peace in the Flames." It honestly kept me on my toes when I was reading the story because of the color gradient you created. As I kept reading it, the colors started to get brighter like fire, but the story also became more intense as well. Great job on that because I thought it goes well together! I also like how your first story kept me going as well. The excitement kept me wanting to read more! I loved how you used onomatopoeias in the beginning of your story to make it more interesting. Honestly, your stories are very well-written and I do not have any feedback to give to help you improve your story. I loved all of the stories you have added so far and cannot wait to read more. I will definitely come back to your portfolio to read the other stories you add later on.

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  15. Hey Sarah!

    First off, your homepage picture is very captivating! What a strong image to grab the attention of your readers before they start reading your renditions. I also want to comment on how I appreciate your tab titles: The Chase and The Fire. It is short and simple, but the two word titles work really well in tying your stories together, despite it being a portfolio and not a storybook. The commonality in the tab titles were a great touch! I especially like the banner image of your second story and the continuing of the theme via your the ombre wall was really well thought out. One suggestion you may consider is utilizing dialogues for your second story. I see that you have incorporated dialogues in your first story, but maybe adding a little touch of dialogues in your second story might help elevate your overall portrayal. I look forward to seeing your finished portfolio! Great job

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  16. Hi Sarah! I love the look of your site! Your banner images are simply stunning and they suit the patterned image you have behind the text quite well. As you know, I think think you're a really talented writer so it's hard to find suggestions as far as content is concerned! Perhaps you could give Officer Rabbit a less generic name in your story based on the Jakata Tales? I see you have characters Bambi, Dumbo, and Mufasa here, perhaps you can channel this Disney theme you've got going and call him Thumper? As for your other story, "Peace in The Flames," what an interesting twist to turn inspiration from a historical novel into the setting for such a dramatic scene from the Indian epic! I had a class in high school that drilled into us the concept of "show, don't tell" for creative writing and that's all I can think of while reading because your in-depth descriptions and word choices continuously impress! How the color behind the passage changes from black to orange as toward the end, right around the sentence that that reads "The air crackled and had an acrid smell. A small, red glow grew to reach up to the heavens" is perfect timing! This is where having a platform that allows customization of this sort pays off! Overall, really great work and wonderful start to your portfolio! It's coming along nicely!

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  17. Hello again Sarah! I have revisited your portfolio page and I am still as impressed. I think your layout is very clean looking and the whole website looks very professional. This week, we were supposed to focus on the author's note for each story, and I loved getting to read that part of each of your stories. I think the author's note is supposed to tell the reader what the original idea or story was and how the author developed it into a story of their own. For each of your author's notes that I read you did exactly that. I think one of my favorite things I saw is why you read each of the stories. For some of your stories, mine were based off the same story, but we had different reasoning as to why they caught our attention. Overall, great job! I look forward to reading more.

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  18. Hi Sarah, this is my first time visiting your blog and I like the layout of it! It is very clean and the whole website works together very well. Your story is awesome and really brings to life a different perspective on the Jataka tales! One thing I always thought would be fun is seeing a little bit more pictures though! Also, your author's notes are great and really bring into detail what is happening. I have not read these stories in a long time so it was extremely helpful reading some detailed context about what happened and where the stories came from. Perhaps one improvement is keeping the dialogue a little bit more consistent with its tone! I felt like the stories really progressed quickly and suddenly! This was super fun to read!

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  19. Hi Sarah. Returning to your Portfolio was a lot of fun. You have a knack for picking out images that are striking and beautifully set the stage for your stories. Speaking of, the opening paragraph of "Peace in the Flames" is tremendous! And what an image you used in the banner! The rest of the story is just as good. You were able to conjure up so much tension and anxiety and put the reader squarely in the middle the horror that was WWII Poland. Speaking of, I'm taking The Graphic Novel this semester and we read Art Spiegelman's "Maus" which is also a heart wrenching story and one I'd highly suggest since you are interested in WWII history.

    We're supposed to talk about paragraphs this week and all I have to say is that you have used them quite well throughout all of your stories. This is an excellent project!

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  20. Hi Sarah, the first thing I noticed was your portfolio design it was very eye grabbing and made me want to explore your page that much more. I really enjoy how you draw from real life in your story The Fire. I also really enjoy that you truly make the stories your own. Sometimes I am so wrapped up in your stories that I am not even sure what it is based off of until I read the Author's note. I think that is very talented writing. I enjoyed the color gradient in the background of the story as well. I enjoyed how your stories flow. I would love to read a full story from you one day. I was recommended your story because I to have a vampire Bhima story on my wall. I truly enjoy your writing every time I read one of your stories. Great story pacing and out lay truly one of my favorite projects.

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  21. Hello Sarah,
    I came back at the end of the semester to see how your project was going to end. I was not disappointed in the slightest. This was one of my favorite projects of the entire class. I kept coming back just to see how your website was developing. The end result was amazing. From how it was laid out to how the story flowed. Everything was perfect. Each page of your website was so unique and the stories really kept me engaged as a reader. After this class is finished I don't think you should stop telling stories. I think you should continue the blog. You are a natural at this. I would have to say that the Ship was my favorite story on your website. Overall it was really nice to read your stories and I am glad that I had the opportunity to do so.

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